Monsters Do Exist
by ShisouEimin
Summary: "You know that there are no such things as monsters, right?" Logan finds out just how wrong he really is. WARNING: NONCON
1. Monsters Do Exist

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own Big Time Rush

**Title:** Monsters Do Exist(In The Souls Of Men)

**Summary: **_"You know that there are no such things as monsters, right?"_ Logan finds out just how wrong he really is.

Logan woke with a small start, feeling a presence looming over his bed. "James?" he questioned, blinking up into the dark. He pushed himself onto an elbow and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He got nothing but silence in response from the other boy and he pushed himself up into a proper sitting position, concern rising in his chest, "What's the matter?"

"I – Can I sleep with you?" The request was so soft, Logan could barely hear it.

"What?" he asked, confused and sleepy and not sure he had heard the other boy right.

"I thought I heard something…" Again, James spoke so low that Logan had to strain to hear him. But as the words sunk in, he let himself relax.

"James…" he stopped and shook his head, "Are you serious?" he asked, annoyed now that James had gotten him so worked up over nothing. "Aren't you a little old to be scared of the dark?"

"Logan, please?"

Logan sighed, "You know that there are no such things as monsters, right?" Logan asked, but he scooted over just the same making room for the larger boy and lifted the corner of the blankets. "Come on."

James slid into his bed causing the mattress to creak with the added weight as Logan scooted all the way over; glad his bed was against the wall. He'd rather be pressed along a wall then pushed off the bed. They both settled into the small bed with Logan facing the wall and James facing the other way so that their backs were pressed close together. Logan exhaled softly, closing his eyes and tried to ignore the heat he felt radiating from James' body. He was just on the edge of sleep when he felt James shift, moving the entire bed as he turned all the way around to drape his arm heavily across Logan's waist.

"Um, James?" Logan whispered softly, looking over his shoulder into the dark. He wondered if the other boy was asleep already as he was pulled in close, his back pressed along James' chest. He felt something press into the small of his back and blushed hotly when he realized what it was. "James!" he whispered again, his voice a little louder than before, but still soft enough that he wouldn't wake anyone else up.

And then James mouth was pressed against his neck, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin. He ground his hips against Logan's backside as his fingers slipped under the other boy's shirt, grazing across the skin of his stomach.

Logan grabbed James hand and pushed it away quickly, "What are you doing? Stop that!" he whispered loudly and tried to move away from him.

James pulled him back; pressing his hips against Logan's from behind as he cupped him through his pajama bottoms. "Come on, Logan. Don't be like that," James said, his voice pitched low, "I know you want it."

Logan practically slapped James' hand away, "No, I don't," he said, his voice coming out at its normal decibel. "I think you should go back to your own bed now," he said, firmly, trying to push James arm off of him but the other boy tightened his hold.

"Why not?" And Logan could hear the frown in James' voice, could imagine it on his face. "Do you think you're _better_ than me or something?"

Logan's eyes widened in surprise and he tried to turn around to face James, even if he wouldn't have been able to really see him but James wouldn't let him. He held him firmly against his chest. "What? No," he said, settling for trying to look over his shoulder. "That's not it at all!"

"Then what is it?"

Logan sighed, turning back to stare into the darkness in front of him. Images of ridiculous eyebrows and green eyes, a quirky smile and adorable dimples flashed through his mind and his chest constricted tightly.

"You can pretend I'm him, if you want," James whispered, nuzzling against his neck, causing Logan to jump slightly, his breath catching in his throat at James' words.

"How did you -"

James laughed, cutting him off. "Everybody knows. It's so obvious," he said, his thumb stroked his hip gently, "Do you want me to call you 'Logie'?" he asked, gently nipping his ear.

He burned with embarrassment and shame and he pushed James back with his shoulder, roughly. "No! Just stop it!" he said, his voice breaking above a whisper. He yelped in surprise when he suddenly found himself face down into the mattress, James moving to press him down with his body.

"What if I don't want to stop?" he asked, straddling Logan from behind. He grabbed Logan's flailing arms and pinned them to the bed, "Who's going to stop me? You?"

Logan swallowed thickly, fear welling up in him, "James, please," he begged, turning his head to try to look up at the other boy. But it was too dark. All he saw was a silhouette. "You're hurting me…"

James brought his hands together above his head, crushing his wrists in one hand as the other slid down his side. He pushed his shirt up, running his fingers along the smooth skin he exposed to the dark before his fingers slid under the waist band of his pajamas and boxers and he pushed them down roughly.

He leaned down, "Don't worry, I'll be as gentle as I can…" he whispered hotly into Logan's ear before pressing a forceful kiss to the side of his head.

And then James placed his hand between his shoulders and pressed him into the mattress, nudging his legs apart with his knees and even as he heard James spit and push two fingers into him roughly and too fast, causing him to cry out in pain against his pillows, Logan couldn't quite believe that it was really happening. That James, one of his best friends who he had known for years and had grown up with, would do this to him. James, who had begged him to help him pass Algebra in the ninth grade and who had set up double dates to help him get a girl. James, who he had shoveled snow with and had protected him from bullies and from being picked on in school.

_That_ James couldn't possibly be gripping his hips tight as he entered him way too soon from behind.

"Oh, god, Logan, you feel so good," James whispered into his ear, his nose nuzzling the side of his face gently. "Do you know how," he gasped, "long I've been trying to get you to see me?" he finished then thrust viciously into Logan as he muttered his next words, "But all you see is **him**."

Logan cried out in pain, his eyes shut tightly, tears leaking out, as his fingers dug into the blankets, looking for something to anchor him, to ease the hurt of James pounding into him. To ease the fact that it was _James_ doing this to him.

"Shut up!" James hissed out, punctuating each word with a hard thrust. He stopped for a moment and grabbed Logan's hips roughly, pulling him up until they were both on their knees before thrusting back in. "Or maybe you _want_ Kendall to come in and see me fucking you like this," his words came out stuttered and low, his hips pounding into Logan mercilessly.

A dark breathless chuckle escaped him as his hips started to lose their rhythm, "God…Can you imagine his face?" and then he let out a low moan, his fingers digging ruthlessly into Logan's hips as he slammed into him one last time as he came followed by a few more shallow thrusts to ride it out until he had no choice but to pull out and collapse onto the bed next to Logan.

Logan instantly curled in on himself, his shoulders shaking with almost-silent sobs. He covered his mouth with both hands to try to keep his snuffles and whimpers as quiet as possible. Arms encircled him and he flinched as James curled around him, his arms wrapping around his waist.

A tender kiss pressed along his jaw, "Shh…" James hushed softly, gentle fingers running up and down his chest and stomach. "Let me make you feel good," James whispered against his ear, fingers curling around his limp cock. Logan whimpered softly as James stroked him, his body reacting unwillingly to the stimulation. James kissed along his neck and shoulder, teeth nipping gently against the skin. Logan wanted to make him stop, wanted to push him away, wanted to scream and cry and forget the entire night had happened. But he hurt so much and James' hand felt so good, helped take his mind off of the pain. He bit his lip as another whimper escaped him and he turned his face back into his pillow, his hips thrusting into James' hand now.

He hated himself for taking pleasure in this. Every kiss that fell onto his shoulder felt like a brand of shame, every moan that escaped his throat felt like bile and as he cried out into the pillow, his body shuddering as he spilled his seed onto James' hand, he felt like dying.

"You're so beautiful, Logan," James whispered, pressing kiss after kiss to the underside of his jaw as he continued to stroke him through the aftershocks of his orgasm, Logan gasping and shaking in his arms. "I want to see your face next time…"

James kissed his neck one last time, and pulled him close, his chest pressed along Logan's back, curling around the smaller boy. And Logan let it all happen because he didn't know what else to do. He didn't know what to think or what to feel. It all felt surreal and he had a hard time wrapping his mind around it.

But he did know one thing. He had been wrong.

Monsters did exist.


	2. Open Your Eyes

**Title: **Open Your Eyes(See Me As I See You)

**Summary:** _"I wanted to make you see. I wanted to make you see me, Logan."_ - It wasn't supposed to happen again. Not like that. But Logan had flinched at his touch, wouldn't look at him, and didn't understand and James can't quite help himself.

When they were in their freshman year, James found himself failing algebra and he knew that if he wanted to join the school hockey team, he'd have to keep his grades up. But he just couldn't wrap his mind around all the x's and y's and all the different formulas. He was just glad he had a genius friend who had a not-so secret love affair with Math.

Logan was, of course, reluctant and kind of a bitch about it which was annoying but once he finally settled down to help James he exhibited a patience that James had never seen in Logan before- at least, in regards to himself. He never tried to make James feel stupid when he didn't understand something. Just took a deep breath and worked an example problem, explaining each step as simply as he could until James understood and could do it on his own.

James eventually found himself paying more attention to Logan's face than to what Logan was actually saying, watching his mouth move as he spoke, teeth occasionally dragging across his bottom lip. He squirmed a little in his seat at that, tongue slipping out to wet his lips unconsciously.

"James, are you even listening to me?"

Logan was suddenly looking at him, annoyance written clear across his face, "What?" James mumbled, blinking rapidly as he shook his head a little to clear it.

Logan made a small noise of irritation, "_James_, you're the one that asked me to help you and you're not even paying attention," he admonished and James flushed slightly in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, this is just so boring. Let's go do something else," he said, quickly trying to change the subject hoping Logan would agree and they could do something more fun together. He had the sudden desire to spend as much time as he could with Logan without Kendall and Carlos around.

But Logan shook his head, "Come on, James. I still have my own homework to do after this. If you want to stop for the day, though, that's fine," Logan said with a sigh, leaning back in his seat. "We can pick it up again tomorrow."

James had forced a smile to hide his disappointment and nodded, "Okay."

It took a while before he realized that he wanted Logan, wanted him in ways that one friend should never want another. But when he finally did, it took hold of him like nothing else besides his dream to become famous had before.

And it was only then that he started to notice the way Logan looked at Kendall, hot jealousy coursing through his veins when Kendall looked back.

James tried his hardest to get Logan to look at him like that, set up double dates so they could spend more time alone together, helping Logan shovel driveways for a little extra cash but no matter how hard he tried, Logan only ever seemed to see Kendall.

And it hurt more than James ever thought possible to know that Logan would probably never see him the way he saw Logan.

* * *

The day after it happened, Logan had avoided him, sticking close to Kendall, Carlos, anybody that was around just so he wouldn't be alone with James. And by the end of the day when he finally managed to find Logan alone, he was hunched over a book at his desk in their room, earphones in his ears.

Nerves and guilt twisted with the want and desire that welled up in him at the sight of the other boy and James felt queasy as he closed the door to their room behind him and walked over to sit at the foot of Logan's bed.

"Logan."

The boy didn't acknowledge him, keeping his eyes trained on the page of his book. But James could see that he wasn't really reading.

"Logan, please. I'm sorry, okay? Just look at me, please," he begged, leaning forward fervently, but still Logan made no move. James noticed how his breathing quickened though, chest rising and falling rapidly as he kept his eyes down.

"I know you can hear me," James continued, because he knew that even if Logan was listening to music he never listened to it too loudly, not wanting to damage his hearing. He felt his patience running out and annoyance swelled in his chest when Logan continued to ignore him. He didn't think before he reached forward, snatching the book from the desk and throwing it to the floor, pages fluttering as it flew across the room "And I know you're not reading."

Logan flinched but still didn't look at him, breathe now coming in short quick pants and James lost it completely. He grabbed the armrest of Logan's chair and swiveled him around to face him. "Look at me, dammit!"

Logan glanced at James in fear briefly, before his eyes skittered away. Guilt and anger twisted in James' gut and he pulled Logan's chair towards him aggressively, spreading his legs to get Logan as close to him as he could. He reached forward and grabbed Logan's chin, forcing the other boy to look at him. He felt Logan flinch at his touch and his grip tightened, fingers digging into the soft skin of Logan's face.

"Look at me," he gritted out, voice low and demanding. Logan flinched again as he reached over with his other hand and pulled the earphones from Logan's ear, tossed them to the side. They dangled over the side of the chair, Logan's music player still in his pocket.

He jerked Logan's head slightly when the other boy still refused to do what he said, staring off to the side of James head. Logan let out a small sound, almost a whimper before his eyes slowly slid across to meet his.

"James, please…" Logan pleaded softly, brown eyes shining with unshed tears. The words were like a blow to James and he gasped softly as they echoed in his mind. Logan had begged in the exact same way the night before and he felt a pang in his chest.

He shook his head gently and loosened his grip, a small reassuring smile gently curving his lips. "It's okay. I just want to talk, okay?" he said softly, his thumb gently caressing Logan's jaw.

Logan nodded jerkily, "O-okay…"

James stared into Logan's eyes before he inhaled slowly, letting it out in a rush before the words spilled from his mouth. "I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't mean for last night to happen. I didn't want it to happen, not like that."

Logan was silent for a long moment staring at James in disbelief before he finally seemed to find his words. He violently brushed James' hand away from his face, "Is that supposed to make it all better? Do you think it changes what you _did _do?" The words were spoken angrily and James was the one left flinching that time as he shook his head quickly.

"No, of course it doesn't. I just..." He trailed off, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes briefly as he searched for the right words to explain. He knew nothing he said would make it right, but he wanted Logan to understand. "Logan, I just love you so much. I wanted to make you see. I wanted to make you see me, Logan."

Logan shook his head slightly, obviously confused and James hated that even now Logan didn't understand, didn't see. "What are you talking about?"

James growled in frustration, running a hand quickly through his hair, "You never look at me, Logan. I've tried for so long to get your attention but all you see is him. I just wanted you to see me."

"I do see you…I don't understand- what do you want from me, James…?"

"_Look_ at me, Logan. I just want you to see _me_. What's right _here_." He snatched Logan's hand up in his and pressed it against his chest, over his pounding heart.

Logan looked at him, eyes wide in fear and confusion. "I do- I do see you, James, but I don't know what I'm looking at anymore…"

James felt like crying because Logan still didn't seem to understand. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Logan was supposed to love him back. And maybe if he had been a little more patient, he could've won Logan's heart eventually. But he had fucked up and now everything was ruined, tainted and wrong and he would never be able to fix it.

He swallowed thickly, eyes burning with unshed tears and suddenly leaned forward, bracing himself on the armrests of Logan's chair as his mouth collided with Logan's violently. He ignored the sudden taste of blood in his mouth along with the muffled sound of protest from Logan and pressed closer. He grabbed Logan's hands when they scrabbled for purchase against his chest and shoulders, trying to push him away and pinned them against the armrests as he moved to straddle Logan's lap.

The chair made a sound of distress under the added weight, but James ignored that as well, biting Logan's bottom lip sharply to get him to open up for him. Logan pulled back though, turning his head aside to break free.

"James, please, stop…" he gasped, voice hoarse with fear and desperation. He struggled against James' grip, body jerking forward in an attempt to buck James off.

But James just shook his head, leaning forward to press kisses along Logan's cheek, "Let me make it up to you, Logan. I promise I'll make you feel good…" he whispered into his ear, tongue flicking out to trace the outer shell of Logan's ear.

James felt Logan shudder against him and jerked his head away, "You don't have to make anything up to me. It's fine, just let me go, please…"

"Just give me a chance, Logan, please," James begged, he lifted Logan's arms from the armrest and brought them together, grabbing both wrists in one hand and holding them tightly against his chest as he cupped Logan's jaw with the other. He ran his thumb along Logan's bottom lip before he leaned in for a kiss, gently pressing lips against the other boy's while Logan tried to turn his head away, arms trying to tug free from his grasp.

One hand eventually managed to slip free from James' grasp and he immediately swung, catching James on the side of the head. James groaned and leaned back in surprise and pain, and Logan pushed him off his lap. He landed in a heap, head pounding slightly from the blow. He shook it off and scrambled to his feet quickly, grabbing Logan by the back of his shirt before he could get too far, his fingers gripping tight at the fabric as he yanked him back.

Logan cried out and spun around, arms swinging but James was prepared this time and managed to duck out of the way. He wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, spinning him around so James was holding him from behind.

Still Logan struggled, arms and legs flailing in an attempt to get free. James grunted as he struggled to catch Logan's wrist in his hands, forcing the other boy to hug himself when he finally did.

"Stop," he demanded, whispering harshly into Logan's ear. He didn't want to hurt Logan, but he would if he had to. And he said as much, speaking in a low dangerous tone and immediately Logan stopped squirming against him, breathing heavily.

"I promise, I won't- I won't tell anyone, James. Just let me go and w-we can forget any of this happened."

He buried his face in the crook of Logan's shoulder, taking a deep breath, eyes shut tight, "But I don't want to forget, Logan. I've wanted you for so long and now that I know what it's like to have you, to hold you in my arms, I can't just let that go," he murmured against Logan's neck, rocking his hips firmly against Logan's backside.

He felt Logan stiffen in his arms, hearing him swallow before taking a deep breath. "Please don't do this, James," he whispered brokenly causing something to twist in James' chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around Logan's torso, squeezing him gently before releasing him.

Logan stumbled forward slightly and whirled around to face him, eyes wide with confusion and relief. The small smile that had formed on his face slipped away when James took a step forward, the look in his eyes shifting, fear replacing the relief.

James reached up to gently cup Logan's cheek, the sharp sting of rejection piercing through James chest when Logan once again flinched at his touch. His temper flared once more and he roughly grabbed a handful of Logan's hair, jerking him forward before pushing him back.

Logan winced, crying out softly as he stumbled back, stopping when the back of his legs hit the edge of his bed. He teetered slightly, hands reaching out for James to catch himself. But James just slapped his hands away and shoved at his chest hard, quickly climbing onto the bed as Logan bounced on the mattress.

James once again struggled to get Logan's limbs under control as the smaller boy fought against him, pushing and shoving, body trying to wiggle out from James'. "Get off!" Logan yelled loudly and James was glad that no one else was home because it would've had everyone running to see what was wrong.

James sat down heavily on Logan's thighs to keep him from kicking out as he fought to grab Logan's arms once again before Logan could get another hit in. He finally caught Logan's wrists and pinned them down to the bed by his head, leaning heavily on him, "Calm down. I don't want to hurt you," he panted out heavily against Logan's face.

He moved Logan's arms until he's crushing both of the other boy's wrists together in one hand once more, pinning them above his head as his other hand roughly tugged at Logan's belt. He ignored Logan's pleading and quickly unbuckled and opened Logan's jeans, pushing them along with Logan's underwear down as much as he can in his position.

Logan started to fight back again then, "No," he yelled, body squirming as he made futile attempts at freeing his hands. James let out a growl and grabbed Logan by the hip, lifting his own weight off the other boy and releasing his arms so he could flip Logan over. He settled back down on Logan's thighs immediately, one hand pressed down against the middle of Logan's shoulders.

"James, stop, please," Logan cried out, voice slightly muffled by his pillow. His arms reached back awkwardly trying to get at James but James just captured them once more in his grip, holding them in one hand against Logan's lower back as he struggled with taking Logan's pants off completely.

It took some maneuvering but he finally got Logan's legs free from the confining articles of clothing. He let out a huff of breath and turned around to grab at Logan's shoulder, scooting further down his legs as he pulled him up to his knees. He grabbed the hem of Logan's shirt and lifted it roughly; pulling it off and throwing it to the side before he pushed Logan back down onto the bed.

The fight seemed to have gone out of Logan because he just lay there, body trembling as he let it happen without a sound other than his rapid breathing. Logan shuddered and made a small noise low in his throat when James ran his hand down Logan's back, nails gently dragging down against the skin.

"Don't move," James ordered, leaning across to the small dresser between their beds. He opened the first drawer and fumbled around blindly with one hand, his other pressing down on Logan's back to keep him in place just in case. He finally found what he was looking for and sat up, placing it on the bed beside him.

He pulled his shirt off before he set to work on opening his pants as quick as he could with one hand, lifting himself to push and kick them off before he pushed Logan's legs apart and settled down between them.

He grabbed the small bottle of lube he'd retrieved from the drawer and squeezed a generous amount of it onto his fingers, rubbing them together a little before he reached down and circled Logan's entrance with his forefinger gently before pushing in.

Logan grunted at the intrusion and whimpered shakily, hips shifting slightly but otherwise does nothing and James pressed down on his lower back to hold him still, thrusting his finger deeper into Logan's unwilling body. He tried to be patient, curling his finger inside Logan to stretch him properly before adding a second one. He palmed his erection, imagining how good it would feel to sink into Logan, to feel him squeezing tightly around his cock.

He let out a small moan and added a third finger, spreading them to stretch Logan further. His patience was running out and he pulled his fingers out quickly. He nudged Logan's legs as far apart as he could and positioned himself at his entrance.

He heard Logan whimper as the tip of his cock breached his entrance and he paused, holding still to let Logan adjust. He didn't want to hurt Logan, not this time. He knew he had hurt him the night before because he had lost control. But he was determined to make it better this time. And then maybe Logan would understand and be able to see him like James wanted him to.

"Shh," he hushed gently, petting the small of Logan's back, "It'll be okay, Logan. Just relax…"

Logan shuddered against his touch and twisted as much as he could to peer over his shoulder at James, cheeks wet with tears, "Don't do this, James, _please_," he pleaded weakly, "You don't have to do this."

James chuckled self-deprecatingly, because obviously he _did_ have to do this. How else was he going to get Logan to understand him? "I won't hurt you this time, I promise."

"But you _are_ hurting me, James," Logan cried out vehemently and James flinched at the words, "No matter how _gentle_ you think you're being you're still hurting me."

James scowled, "If you'd just relax and open your eyes then I wouldn't _have_ to hurt you," he growled out, thrusting into Logan quick and hard to make his point. The scream that erupted from Logan's throat sent a chill down his spine and he immediately regretted his actions.

Logan pressed his face into the pillow, arms coming up to wrap around his head protectively as his body was wracked with sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," James whispered in a rush, leaning over Logan's back. He gently ran his hand up and down Logan's side, pressing kiss after kiss across Logan's shoulders and upper back.

"Don't touch me," Logan hissed, shoulders jerking away from his touch. James sighed, guilt washing over him and pressed his forehead to Logan's shoulder blade.

"Tell me what I can do to make it better."

"Nothing you do will ever make this better, James. Just get it over with already…"

James closed his eyes against the defeated tone in Logan's voice and cursed himself for fucking it all up again. With a small shake of his head, he pushed himself onto his knees, hands stroking down the length of Logan's back soothingly.

"On your knees," he suddenly ordered, grabbing Logan's hips and pulling him up when the other boy didn't move fast enough for him. His hand slid around to Logan's chest where he briefly pinched a nipple, loving the small noise Logan made before his hand slipped down to grip Logan's limp cock gently.

Logan tensed around him, body shaking gently as James stroked him fast and rough until his length hardened in his grip. James grinned in satisfaction when Logan whimpered softly, ducking his head down as his hips rocked forward gently into his hand.

"Good boy," he murmured, leaning over to press a soft kiss to the back of Logan's neck, feeling him shudder under his touch. He ran his other hand down the tense lines of Logan's back once more stopping at his waist as he straightened.

He placed both hands on Logan's hips, thumbs pressing into the small of his back as he pulled his hips back with a low moan, cock slowly sliding out of Logan's body and slowly pushed back in. Logan felt more amazing that he remembered if that was possible, a tight hot heat gripping his cock.

He tilted his head down, chin resting against his chest as he watched, savoring each slick slide of his dick in and out of the body before him. The muffled grunts and whimpers Logan emitted into the pillow went straight to his groin, and he thrust into Logan harder than he intended.

Another sharp thrust and Logan cried out sharply, body tensing, "You're hurting me, James, you said you wouldn't," he said, jaw set firmly as he looked over his shoulder at James.

James' hips stuttered to a stop at the words and he swallowed thickly, nodding. He eased the force of his thrusts and draped himself over Logan's back, nuzzling at the hair at the back of his head, "You just feel so good, Logie, so tight," he murmured as his hips rocked against Logan's in a gentle rhythm.

He reached around once more and wrapped his hand around Logan's cock, finding it only half-hard. He stroked him to full hardness again as Logan shook his head, "Don't," he muttered, hips jerking slightly against his own.

He pressed a kiss to Logan's jaw, sucking on the skin lightly, "Come on. Let me make you feel good too," he murmured, squeezing Logan's cock gently as he tugged on it.

Logan shuddered and shook his head again but rocked into James fist anyway, hips moving back to meet his. James let out a small moan against Logan's shoulder and smiled briefly before he began moving his hips again.

He rocked gently into Logan, stroking Logan in time with his thrusts. He was determined to keep his promise and make this as good as he could for the smaller boy.

"Stop it, please," Logan moaned out, shaking his head vigorously before he leaned down and pressed his face against the pillow once more. He let out a broken sob, his entire body shaking as he spilled over onto James' hand.

James groaned against Logan's shoulder, kissing it sloppily as Logan's inner muscles squeezed around his cock. He trailed kisses along Logan's shoulder, pressing his forehead against the center of his back between his shoulder blades as he slowly but forcefully thrust into Logan. His arms snuck around Logan's waist, holding him close as he moaned against his skin, eyes shut tight as he moved against him, hips picking up speed as he felt his orgasm building low in his groin.

He let out a low groan as he shuddered out his release, mouthing gently at Logan's back. He doesn't move for a moment afterward and just held Logan close as he gasped for breath then slowly pulled out, unwrapping his arms from around Logan's waist.

Logan fell limp onto the bed with a small moan. James reached down and ran his fingers through Logan's sweat-damp hair, before he grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around. Logan stared up at him dully, "Just tell me what you want, James…" he whispered distantly.

James sighed heavily, chest tight with emotion as he realized that Logan still didn't understand. He reached out and gently ran the back of his fingers along the underside of Logan's jaw, "I want you to be mine, Logan. Okay?"

Logan stared up at James blankly before he gave a quick jerk of a nod, and letting out a shuddery breath, he whispered, voice dead, "Okay, James."


	3. Knight In Shining Armor

**Title:** Knight in Shining Armor(Better Late than Never)

**Summary:** Something was wrong, Kendall could fell it in his bones.

There was something wrong.

Kendall wasn't exactly sure what it was, but something had changed in their group dynamic. Logan was quieter and a lot more skittish than normal. He had been going straight to his room to study whenever they weren't in the studio, muttering something about college entrance exams, which was, Kendall had to admit, a very _Logan_ thing to do. But nothing he said could get him to change his mind about studying and when even _he_ couldn't cajole the smaller boy to come out and hang with them, there was something seriously wrong.

But whenever he sat down with Logan and tried to talk about it, Logan just brushed him off. "It's nothing, Kendall. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he pressed because it was so obvious that there was _something_ wrong. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Logan paused and stared at him, his eyes guarded and that set alarms going off in Kendall's head because Logan never tried to hide anything from him. Logan opened his mouth like he wanted to say something before thinking better of it and shaking his head, "It's nothing. Really." And then he smiled like everything was normal and it was so fake it hurt Kendall to look at it but he let it drop anyway.

Then there was James, who was more defensive about his actions, his temper flaring faster than ever if anyone seemed just the tiniest bit critical of him. And he was almost always with Logan now – standing next to him, behind him, always close, his eyes trained on the smaller boy, watching his every movement with a fierce possessiveness that Kendall wasn't all too comfortable with.

Conversations with James about it always left Kendall feeling like he was missing something huge. "So, what's with you?"

James looked up at him, eyes wide and a clueless expression on his face that didn't fool Kendall for a second. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, man, you've been flying off the handle for no apparent reason these past few weeks. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. Just back off, Kendall. It's none of your business."

And he sounded so serious, his voice low and with a hint of a warning that Kendall easily conceded. He wanted to keep the peace. The last thing he wanted was to rile James up. "Okay, then do you at least know what's been up with Logan?"

James suddenly scowled, "Why would I know anything about Logan that _you_ don't already know?" And the bitterness in his tone caught Kendall so off guard that he quickly just let it go. For the time being anyway.

He eventually went to the only one of his best friends that was acting normal. And that was saying a lot, considering it was Carlos.

"I don't know. They've both been kind of distant lately," Carlos said softly, worry evident in his tone and eyes.

"James hasn't said anything to you?"

Carlos shook his head, and Kendall sighed, "Every time I try to ask what's wrong, he tells me to fuck off and mind my own business," the shorter boy said, head falling forward slightly in dejection.

Kendall could tell how much that hurt Carlos and he placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in comfort. "Maybe we should have a team meeting."

Carlos looked up at him, hopefully. "You think that'll work?"

Kendall shrugged, "I don't know. They're both so stubborn. If they don't want to talk about something they won't. But it won't hurt to try." He smiled reassuringly and patted Carlos on the back when the other slumped forward again. "It'll be okay."

* * *

Kendall paused in the doorway, hand clutching the doorknob tightly. His first instinct was to turn away, slip back out the way he came and close the door behind him, because it was obvious James and Logan _weren't_ in the mood to go for a smoothie with him and Carlos. But something made him stop. Maybe it was the shock of seeing Logan and James together because that was the last thing he ever thought he'd walk in on. Or maybe it was confusion at the sudden flare of anger that erupted in him at the sight of James leaning over Logan, kissing down his bare chest and stomach. Or the deep ache and sense of loss he felt straight after.

Whatever it was that made him stop, it was long enough for Logan to notice and turn his head towards him. The look in his eyes had him gasping like he'd been punched in the chest. Pained and broken, tears left unshed making Kendall take a step forward, "What are you doing?"

James shot up at the sound of his voice, hair mussed and cheeks flushed. He looked disoriented for a split second before his eyes focused on Kendall, "Geeze, Kendall, ever heard of knocking?"

"I said, what are you doing?" he repeated because the look on Logan's face said he wasn't enjoying James' attention, but at the same time, Kendall couldn't wrap his mind around anyone _not_ enjoying James' attention.

James smirked slightly, "What does it look like I'm doing? Or has Jo not let you get that far?"

Kendall's eyebrows twitched in annoyance and he decided that James probably wasn't the right one to be talking to. He could be a real dick at times. He turned toward Logan instead, "Are you okay?"

Logan looked at him wide-eyed, arms wrapped around his chest protectively. He saw Logan nervously glance at James before looking back at him. "I'm fine," he whispered with a small nod and looked down at his lap.

And everything just felt so wrong and Logan was obviously lying because he looked so far from 'fine', he couldn't help but press the issue, his protective instincts kicking in. "Are you sure?"

Logan opened his mouth but James cut him off, "He said he's fine."

Kendall turned to James in annoyance, "I wasn't talking to you."

James scowled at that, and stood up, crossing his arms across his chest. "Since when do you care so much about how Logan feels anyway?"

Kendall's eyes widened, the question surprising him out of his annoyance, "What are you talking about? I always care."

James scoffed, "Yeah? It's hard to tell with you flaunting you're pretty little blonde girlfriend in his face all the time."

"What are you talking about?" Kendall repeated feeling more off-balance as the conversation kept going. What did Jo have to do with anything? His eyes turned towards Logan when the other boy spoke up, voice soft and pleading, blush spreading across his face.

"James, please don't."

"You shut up," James growled out, sending Logan a dirty look.

Kendall watched as Logan flinched slightly at the taller boy's words, turning his face away and annoyance flared up once more in place of the confusion, "Don't talk to him like that," he snapped harshly.

James was suddenly in his face, hot breath brushing against his face as he said, "Who's going to stop me?" in a low, threatening manner.

Kendall took a step back, annoyance bubbling up on the verge of anger. He took a deep breath to get his temper back under control before turning back to Logan, purposely ignoring James "Okay, so, me and Carlos were gonna go get smoothies, you wanna come?" He really wanted to get Logan alone, hopefully without that frightened look on his face and ask him what was going on because something was seriously wrong here. And he needed to know what it was because his heart hurt thinking that James was hurting Logan in any way, especially if it was the way he thought James was hurting Logan.

He shook it off, not wanting to make any quick judgments before he knew the whole story. He started to stretch a hand out to the other boy but James slapped it away causing Kendall to wince and snatch his hand back.

"He doesn't want to go," the taller boy snapped, taking another step towards Kendall, this time getting between the blond and the brunet on the bed. He crossed his arms again and stared down at Kendall almost like he was daring the blond to try to get past him.

"What the fuck, James. What's wrong with you?" he asked, brows furrowed and corners of his mouth downturned in a frown.

"You're what's wrong with me! Everywhere you go, people just fucking fall over you and I'm sick of it!" Kendall jumped at the suddenness of James' anger and took a step back. He knew James had a bad temper and lately his trigger had been extra sensitive, but this was a little too much

"Dude, calm down," he said, hands going out in a placating manner.

"Don't tell me what to do," James growled out and suddenly shoved at Kendall's chest, causing him to stumble back in surprise at the force of James' ire.

Kendall caught his balance at the last second. "What the fuck, James," he exclaimed for a second time and he didn't think before he rushed forward and shoved James back.

The other boy's eyes widened in surprise as he bumped into Logan's desk, letting out a small hiss of pain before his face contorted in anger. He lunged forward, and Kendall suddenly found himself falling backwards, air rushing out of his lungs at the impact of James' body against his own as he landed hard on the floor.

James sat down heavily on Kendall's stomach, his hands immediately wrapping around his neck. Kendall's eyes widened as James squeeze, his hand flying to grip James' wrists, trying to get the other to let go as he felt James apply more pressure around his throat.

"James, stop…" he gasped out, nails digging into James' skin. He scrabbled against the other's arms, scratching at him before he reached up and pressed the heel of his palm against James' chin, trying to push him away.

But James just leaned away from his touch, his thumbs pressing down against his throat. The pressure built behind his eyes as he struggled to take in air through his constricted throat, little black dots beginning to swim behind his eyes. He heard Logan shout something, but couldn't make it out and then Logan was grabbing at James' arm in an attempt to make him stop.

"Stop it! You're going to kill him!" Logan's shout penetrated through the heavy pressure building in his head. He tried to focus on the other boy as he shoved at James, trying to push him off. The pressure suddenly eased off his throat as James elbowed Logan, shoving the smaller boy away. He gasped for air, his throat burning and he took the opportunity to reach up and grab James' by the hair as he pushed him off.

James cried out, falling to the side and Kendall immediately tried to scramble to his feet but James grabbed a hold of the back of his shirt, tugging him back down before he could. He hit the ground and James pinned him down, sitting down on his back as he fisted the hair at the back of his head.

He groaned in pain as James pulled his hair, lifting his head up. "Logan's mine," James growled out angrily in his ear, "You can't have him." And Kendall didn't even know where that was coming from but he didn't have time to think about it before his face met the floor in a violent collision.

He cried out, pain erupting across the side of his face and he winced loudly as James pulled his head back again. He prepared himself for another impact but it never came. Instead James weight was suddenly gone and he quickly rolled away, hands coming up to touch his face, feeling for blood. They came away clean and he looked up sharply as he heard a thump and Logan cry out.

James had the smaller boy pinned to the ground, straddling his waist and holding his wrists down in a tight grip. They were both breathing heavily, chests heaving in time with the other, "Let me go," Logan exclaimed, struggling against James' hold.

Kendall pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the throbbing in his face as he ran forward, pushing James off of Logan. They fell in a heap beside Logan, both grunting at the impact. "Stop it, James!" Kendall exclaimed, breathless and desperate. He didn't even know what they were fighting about, but it was apparent that James was crazy.

"Get off of me!" James shoved him off, elbow digging into his ribs as he did so, and Kendall quickly scrambled away. He watched as James sat up, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, eyes bright with fury and something else that Kendall couldn't quite place.

Kendall swallowed, wheezing slightly as he fought to get his breathing under control as well. His eyes flicked to Logan who was sat a few feet away, eyes wide and fearful as he watched James carefully. He turned back to James and found the other boy staring back at Logan.

Nothing was said and none of them moved for a long while before Kendall slowly got to his feet. He looked down at James, who was staring up at him silently, eyes still clouded with anger. "You stay away from him," he said, voice a soft rasp.

James just gazed up at him, jaw set firmly and when it became obvious that James wasn't going to respond, Kendall let out a heavy sigh, walking over to where Logan was still sitting. He leaned down and grabbed him by the arm, gently pulling him to his feet.

Logan blinked up at him, looking a little lost and maybe even a little confused before his eyes went back to James. "Come on," Kendall said softly, tugging at his arm gently.

* * *

Still in shock as Kendall dragged him into the room the blond shared with Carlos, Logan didn't react as Kendall closed the door behind him and locked it before he turned to look at him. They stood like that for a moment, neither saying anything. Logan watched as Kendall's jaw clenched and unclenched. He was still breathing heavily and had a bruise forming on his cheekbone and on the corner of his mouth along with finger-shaped bruises on his neck. He didn't know how they were going to explain them away to everybody, but he was sure Kendall would think of something.

Kendall took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly, "Logan, was he…" he stopped and Logan watched him swallow before he continued, "was he-was he _hurting_ you?" The words came out strained and Logan could tell it was difficult for Kendall to utter them.

He turned his face away because he couldn't stand to look at Kendall anymore. He could see it in his eyes that Kendall still hadn't figured it out. He probably thought James was just an abusive boyfriend. He swallowed thickly and breathed in slowly, "Not in the way you think…" he replied softly. He felt like he was going to be sick now that Kendall knew, or almost knew. Kendall was smart, he'd put the pieces together.

Kendall remained silent for a moment before Logan heard him swallow and clear his throat softly, "Was he _forcing _himself on you…?" Logan inhaled sharply at the words and glanced up at Kendall. And if Logan thought Kendall's previous question took a lot out of him, it was apparent from the look on his face that this one was even worse. Logan understood how hard it was to accept, to even think that someone he thought he knew, someone he had trusted and had even loved, would be capable of such a thing.

He looked down again and didn't say anything. He bit his bottom lip, chest feeling tight

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Logan sighed and shook his head. "I…I didn't know how…" he said quietly, and really, he'd asked himself that very same question for the past few weeks. But he didn't know why he kept quiet about it, or why he continued to let James use him. He didn't like it and he didn't _want _it but still, he said nothing. He begged with James, of course, pleaded with him to stop every time it happened. But whenever he thought about telling someone else, Kendall, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, even Gustavo, his chest tightened with shame and he couldn't make the words form.

Fear was another driving factor, he knew, but as much as he was afraid of James, he also knew that telling someone would make it stop. He didn't like to think about what would happen to James though if he did. Because despite everything, deep down, Logan still considered James his friend and he liked to think that someday James would wake up and realize how much he was hurting Logan and if James really loved him like he claimed then he would stop.

He ignored the small part of himself that laughed at the delusion and still he said nothing. James continued to slip into his bed at night, or cornered him in their bedroom when no one was around and touched and kissed him, marked him in ways that were more than skin deep.

Logan found a small relief in the fact that it wasn't always painful, at least. James was still rough at times, but it never hurt quite as much as the first two times. Physically at least. The pain of the continued betrayal of their friendship still ran deep and sharp into Logan's being.

Most times, James touched him like he was a fragile piece of glass that would break if too much pressure was applied. And he whispered sweet words of love and affection against his skin as he kissed and licked down his body. Logan almost let himself believe that he wanted it during these times; that James wasn't forcing him and the other boy really loved him.

"You're beautiful, Logan, so fucking gorgeous," he would breathe along his chest and stomach as he softly kissed down his body, hands skimming along Logan's inner thighs, spreading his legs wide.

"I love you so much, Logie. I want you to be mine forever," he would whisper huskily and breathlessly into his hair as he thrust slowly but vigorously into Logan from behind.

Logan hated himself for taking even the smallest bit of pleasure in it at these times, the part of him that wanted to be loved and wanted latching onto the lies James spoke, desperately wanting them to be true. He would clutch at James then, pulling him close as he wept into James' shoulder, feeling sick with shame and self-loathing as he cried out his release.

But then James could be extremely vile at other times and Logan preferred these moments to the others because then he could hate James and felt justified in his hatred.

"No one's ever going to want you now, you know. _He_ will never want you. Not when he can have Jo. What makes you think you have a chance against her? Especially now." Pressed face down into his pillows, all Logan could do was close his eyes and let the words wash over him like poison, seeping into the open wounds James had left upon his heart.

Each word was whispered wickedly into his ear, almost as if James took pleasure in breaking Logan further. "You're dirty and used, Logan, filthy. Who could ever love you now, but me?"

Logan didn't cry then, with his ass in the air, hips gripped tight as James pounded into him mercilessly from behind because the words echoed in his mind as truth. He just gritted his teeth and gripped the sheets, riding through the pain, clinging to it so he'd at least feel something.

And afterward, when James was done and he'd forced Logan to orgasm as well, James would curl around him from behind, arms tight around his waist. He would pull Logan close until he was pressed flushed against James' broad chest and press a hard kiss to the side of his head and always, he would whisper, "You're mine. Remember that."

And all Logan could do was nod, shut his eyes tight against the world and whisper a shaky "Okay, James."

But now, Kendall knew and he didn't know what was going to happen. He heard Kendall sigh heavily before he took a step closer. He flinched instinctively and Kendall inhaled sharply at his reaction before Logan found himself being pressed against Kendall's chest, arms tight around him.

He stood stiffly for a moment before he relaxed into the embrace because he was being stupid. This was Kendall. Kendall would never hurt him.

"You should've told me," Kendall said softly and he sounded like he was crying but Logan didn't want to pull back to find out. He just shook his head, pressing himself closer to Kendall's body and squeezed him tightly. "Logan, please talk to me. How long was he- was he doing that to you?"

But Logan just shook his head again because he didn't want to talk about it. He didn't even want to _think_ about it. It was bad enough that Kendall knew, he didn't want to go into detail about how weak he was, how filthy he was now. And he knew that he was being selfish by clinging to the blond like that. He didn't deserve to _touch_ Kendall, let alone be held by him.

Kendall sighed, gripping Logan's shoulders firmly and tried to push him away, but Logan held on tight, head shaking once more vigorously, "No, no, please. Don't look at me," he whispered thickly, fighting back the sob that threatened to erupt from his throat.

Kendall's arms wrapped around him once again, holding him close, his face buried in his hair. He felt Kendall's body shake against his own and there was no doubt in his mind now that the other boy was crying. "I'm so sorry, Logan," he whispered hoarsely into his ear, "I'm so sorry."

Logan didn't think there was anything left in him to break, but the sound of Kendall's voice as he apologizes for something that wasn't his fault hurt and tears sprang to his eyes. "It's okay, Kendall. It's not your fault."

"I should've realized sooner, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know," Kendall sobbed against his shoulder, burying his face into Logan's neck as he tightened his arms around Logan's torso.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Kendall," Logan said, running his hands up and down Kendall's back comfortingly, "I didn't want you to know. You can't blame yourself. It's not your fault." It was backwards, him comforting Kendall, but he would much rather suffer in silence forever than have Kendall hurting over him like this.

Kendall eventually pulled away, taking a deep breath as he reached up to wipe at his eyes, "We need to tell someone, call the police-"

Logan pulled back sharply, fingers gripping the front of Kendall's shirt tightly, "No!"

Kendall's eyes widened and he furrowed his brows in confusion, "What? Why not?"

Logan took a deep breath, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. "You can't call the police, they'll take James away, put him in prison."

"He deserves it! After what he did to you!"

Logan shook his head, fingers tugging at Kendall's shirt desperately. His chest felt tight with anxiety as he continued to argue. "No-no, we can't. We need him. There's no Big Time Rush without James, remember?"

Kendall frowned down at him, "Fuck Big Time Rush. It's not more important than you."

And as much as those words warmed a part of Logan, he shook his head again. "It's important to me and to Carlos and-and James is still our friend."

Kendall stared at him incredulously before his eyebrows furrowed in consternation, "Why are you protecting him?"

Logan swallowed and looked away. "I'm-I'm not, it's just, he's still _James_ and he won't do it again." He knew it seemed like he was protecting James, but he wasn't. He was protecting himself. If they called the cops then everyone would find out. He couldn't handle the shame and humiliation of everyone knowing how weak he was. He would rather just forget about it and try to move on with his life.

"How can you be so sure?"

Logan looked up at Kendall, his lips quirking up in a feeble smile, "Because you know now…and-and I won't let him," he tacked on at the end with a burst of confidence he didn't think he had.

Kendall sighed, eyes flicking back and forth between his, searching his eyes for something. "Okay," he finally conceded, "But we're switching rooms. I'll talk to Carlos about it later."

Logan's stomach flipped at the thought of having to tell Carlos. He saw how the other boy idolized James. He might have even been in love with the taller boy and for Carlos to find out the truth about him, Logan couldn't have that. It would break something in Carlos, something precious. "Don't-don't tell him why."

Kendall nodded as if he knew exactly what Logan was thinking. If anyone should be protected from this, it should be Carlos. "I won't," he said, the corners of his mouth lifting up in a sad smile.

Logan relaxed slightly, shoulders slumping as he looked up at Kendall, once again taking in the bruises James had inflicted. His fingers twitched to reach up and touch them, to try to rub them away. He didn't move though and his eyes landed on Kendall's mouth, first focusing the bruise on the side before sliding across to his bottom lip.

He mentally begged the other boy to lean down and kiss him. He knew it wouldn't change anything, wouldn't make anything better, nor would it wash away what James' had done to him, but he felt like it might be a good start.

He watched as Kendall swallowed thickly and leaned forward. His heart skipped a beat and he closed his eyes, face tilting up slightly. But Kendall's lips pressed against his forehead and he let out a shuddery sigh at that small benediction. "It'll be okay, Logan. I won't let him touch you ever again," he whispered, pulling away.

Logan opened his eyes and smiled, moving into the safe comfort of Kendall's presence once again, wrapping his arms tightly around the other's torso. "Thank you," he whispered, fighting back tears as Kendall squeezed him back.

He knew it would never be okay, he was broken irrevocably, but for Kendall he could pretend.


End file.
